


Fake Plastic Trees

by crimsonherbarium



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley's Plants (Good Omens), Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Ficlet, Flowers, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Plants, aziraphale enjoys messing with crowley just as much as crowley loves messing with him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 00:55:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19346257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsonherbarium/pseuds/crimsonherbarium
Summary: Anthony J Crowley has always prided himself on having the greenest and most terrified plants in all of London.Unfortunately, it seems that he and Aziraphale have very different ideas of how best to care for them.





	Fake Plastic Trees

Anthony J Crowley had always prided himself on having the greenest and most terrified plants in all of London. 

He prided himself on the pride, too. It was one of the seven deadly sins, after all. 

The plants were more than simple decorations. They were perfect receptacles for any frustrations he happened to need to vent on a given day, but he did have to admit that they tied the flat together nicely. Every last one of them was lush and verdant—not a brown spot or wilted leaf in sight. 

Still, it gave him pause when, one morning, he registered faintly that one of the ficuses was blooming.

He stopped dead in his tracks, forgetting his quest to retrieve a bottle of exceptionally good scotch from the bar, and wheeled around. Yes, there was no doubt about it—the plant was in bloom. It sported one improbably large blossom painted in violent shades of orange and magenta, a blossom that should never have appeared on this type of plant even if Crowley had given his plants permission to bloom.

Crowley cleared his throat. “Aziraphale?”

The angel, who had made himself quite comfortable on the white leather sofa and was drinking a cup of tea with milk and two sugars from a delicate willow-patterned china cup that Crowley was quite certain he didn’t own, looked up from his book. “Yes, Crowley?”

He pointed at the offending houseplant. “What the hell is that?”

“It would appear to be a flower?”

“I _know_ what it is,” Crowley retorted. “Why in Satan’s name is it there?”

“Ah. Yes, well.” Aziraphale smiled. “Your plants seemed like they could use a little encouragement. The poor things were positively terrified! Did you know that talking to plants helps them grow? What a lovely revelation.”

For a moment, Crowley briefly considered strangling him. 

“Aziraphale?” he managed with difficulty.

“Hm?” The angel had already buried his nose in his book again. 

“This is a rubber plant.”

“Is it?” Though Aziraphale tried to conceal it, Crowley couldn’t fail to recognize that mischievous smile. “Well, thank God for small miracles.” The angel carefully marked his place in his book and set it down on the coffee table. “Care for some curry? I’m feeling peckish.”

He rose without waiting for an answer, as if he knew Crowley would follow him regardless, and made for the front door. The houseplants fluttered their leaves at him pleasantly as he walked past. 

Crowley shook his head in disbelief. He snatched up his leather jacket and the keys to the Bentley and followed, cursing under his breath. 

“Don’t get used to this,” he warned the plants with a glare as he strode toward the door. “You listen to me, not him. And if I see one more flower the lot of you are going in the wood chipper.”

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished Good Omens and I'm afraid to say the two of them have stolen my heart. It's been at least ten years since I first read the book and I'd forgotten most of the plot, so it was like being able to experience it for the first time all over again. God help me, I haven't shipped anything this hard in a long time. I'm sat here writing fluff. FLUFF! Unbelievable. 
> 
> If you enjoyed my writing, please consider leaving me a comment! I'd love to hear from you.


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